“Black lace for your wedding bouquet?”

The fabric store employee shot me a look of confusion as I explained to her what my two yards of beautiful black lace would be used for. I tried to describe, as best I could, my Enzoani lace gown and the floral sash that sold me on the gown to begin with. The black satin and lace bow on my bouquet would be the perfect compliment to the sash. And to my black diamond drop earrings. And best of all, it would be different. Unexpected. A little out of the box. Just like my dress. And just like me. “Best of luck with everything on your wedding day,” she said to me as I walked out of the store that day and for a second I thought that maybe the black lace was a bad idea. Maybe an ivory satin would be best. Maybe I should just shut up.and.do.what.everyone.else.is.doing. Oh hello, self-doubt. How nice of you to show up.

This weekend I struggled with a bout of self-doubt. The crippling kind of doubt that sort of makes you want to close up shop and just throw in the towel. I know, wha wha, Rhi and put on your big girl panties. I told Andrew that I was upset on Saturday. And he asked why. “I’m just not content with how my brand looks. I feel like I could be better. I feel like there’s too many people to compare myself to that the minute I think I’m doing really good, something comes along and knocks me flat on my ass.” Blah blah blah. He just nodded his head and stared on forward as he continued to drive. I told him he didn’t even care. He wasn’t feeling for me, he wasn’t understand what I was feeling, he couldn’t even sympathize for me or feel sorry for me for one second. “Nothing is wrong with your website, your business or your work.” Simply put. That was the end of it.

I had a local husband and wife photographer team over for dinner last night. We enjoyed a vegan meal prepared by Apb and I and a delicious vegan apple pie brought by our guests. We enjoyed great conversation, a humorous game of Scattergories and good company. After I gushed over our guest’s recent wedding pictures, I was asked to show ours. And about midway through this post here, one of our sweet guests stopped and pointed to a photo on the screen. She explained to me how our own wedding has the same distinct feel and style that is evident with all of my work. Whoa. Here I was, with a person I had just met for the first time, who doesn’t really know me, and hadn’t seen my wedding photos yet, and she just gets it. She gets what I’ve been trying to do since the minute I ever set out on this remarkable journey.

In July I said this. And as I prepare to wrap up my 2011 season, I’ll say it again now. I don’t ever want to be anything but myself. I want to be only the perfect representation of every little thing that makes up HGE, that makes up who I am at my core. I want to be different. I’m not just another peony obsessed chick who loves vintage touches and striped straws. Because that’s just scratching the surface of what I like and hits no where close to the core of what I am. Or what I do. Or even better, what I know I’m capable of doing and creating. And I promise to you, to my readers, to my clients both past, present and future, and most importantly to myself, that I will absolutely hold my head high and always be that little touch of black lace.

Happy Monday, blogettes. Make today fabulous. Be fabulous. And always know you are. xoxo Photo by Amanda Wilcher