MarriageTheYearOfContentment

Happy Friday, friends! If you’re just joining us in this series you can go here first and here second.

And if you’ve been following along for the past few weeks, welcome back. I’m excited to jump right in today with a part of my life that feels like it has (and should have always) top priority; my marriage to Mr. Apb. Guys, can you believe our five year anniversary is coming up this year? I swear it feels like we just got married. But then some days it feels like we’ve been husband and wife for a lifetime! After nearly ten years of having the absolute biggest crush on Andrew I have to say I’m pretty darn lucky to spend my forever with him. Onto my debrief!

Week Three

What has not been working: Expecting my husband’s extreme and selfless kindness to be a 24-7 thing has not been doing much for my contentment. And while my husband is so selfless to me everyday let me explain: Rhi works overtime past 6:30 pm. Rhi doesn’t get up for dinner. Rhi gets her dinner made and delivered to her desk by Andrew. Rhi loves not having to cook, get up or clean up after dinner under the guise of work. Rhi starts to expect this every night. Rhi works late into every night. Rhi starts to get upset when she’s expected to cook/doesn’t get dinner delivered. You see the cycle here? It’s not OK. Sitting at my desk past 6:30 pm at the latest (with the exception of wedding weeks and emergencies) is not working for the cultivation of a healthy marriage and it’s making me feel very far from content. And expecting to be waited on in the frequent moments where it feels like business trumps respecting my marriage has not been working.

What has been working: Andrew and I recently switched back to a paleo lifestyle and I hope to share more with you soon. But I will say that our collective improved eating efforts have forced us to spend more time in the kitchen together, finding contentment in nourishing foods instead of take out, processed food or things that are full of empty calories. Cooking paleo friendly meals requires us to invest more time in the kitchen, cook mostly from scratch, with the use of many dishes and tools (so there’s lots of clean up involved) and in turn has allowed us to appreciate our culinary efforts more and to enjoy our creations together as a team. When we cook together, we eat together, and when we eat together, we sit together and have real grown up conversations that seem mindless but actually are a healthy part of any adult relationship. It’s a win win right? Contentment in our relationship for me (specifically with who has cooking responsibilities in our home and with my expectations regarding meal times) has been a work in progress since January 1st. Baby steps.

Short term goal: Andrew and I love phone-free date nights and unless they are scheduled ahead of time (reservations made, tickets purchased for a show or class, etc) we often find excuses not to go. Winter here in Michigan requires bundling up, driving to the action takes gas and time (whose car do we take!?), parking is a hassle and well, you get the picture; we make a lot of excuses. Part of the goal is not to make excuses for much needed date nights and to follow through with them. The other part of the goal is to find contentment in date nights that might not actually involve leaving the house or racking up a big bill!

Long term goal (well this is another short term goal but it’s going here): Start a family. Lord willing.

Feel free to leave your experiences below and to share them with the hashtag #theyearofcontent

Happy Weekend friends xoxo