Excuse me while I dust off my blog post writing cap. It’s been a minute.

But in true new-year-new-Rhi fashion the start of 2025 has inspired big feelings, big emotions, and a lot of reflection. I roll my eyes at myself just a little as I write this because these ‘feels’ happen every year when the promise of a hallmark fresh start* makes me feel like anything and everything is possible, and best of all, that whatever anything and everything may be, is all I’m deserving of and more. But I also smirk because I’m all about the sentiment of anything that holds promise so I’m here, all in.

I’ve tried to get into journaling again and more specifically doing so at night as a way to purge my brain and heart of all the things that take up space throughout the day. Hard as I may to hold onto less there’s a lot in stufffff up here in my psyche, homebase packed to the gills like an over-capacity Floridian motel at the peak of Spring Break. And my recent efforts of putting pen to paper in lieu of consuming more mindless parenting memes reveal that there’s a recurring desire to embrace life in the grey. Resisting the urge only to exist in extremes. Being content not with mediocrity but realizing that what’s really good may have simply been disguised as something entirely different all along.

For years, if not most of my adult life, my experiences have been lived through the lens of one or the other. Black or white. This or that. While I do think you can successfully be two seemingly opposing things at once and I can pinpoint many pairings in my own life where this holds true, my own ethos has always been that of picking a category of life and being planted, sometimes painfully, in that bracket without as much as even a glance elsewhere. Let me tell you; the tension has been stifling. The world really will tell you what to do if you still yourself long enough. The lack of permission I’ve given myself, most notably over the last two years, to be multiple things or live out somewhere, and perhaps more simply, right.in.the.middle, is worthy of a formal self apology.

Dear Rhi, I’m sorry. Love, Rhi. It’s gotta be that simple, yeah?

Last year I opened a Substack account hoping that my love for writing and genuine intention to share and inspire could collide in a very new (at the time) medium. And hey, a bonus was the potential to make a few extra dollars. But the fussiness of Substack felt restrictive and the learning curve was, uh, excuse the elementary term here, annoying**. You can take the girl outta 2009 but you can’t take the 2009 outta the girl. Call it a close-to-midlife awakening (crisis? too soon) or maybe a just too-many-lessons-learned-in-one year sort of thing but I took the long way around to realize this channel here is good for me, and I hope good for you in small ways, too. Maybe somewhere along the line I’ve been so laser beam focused on reinventing the wheel, influencing people I don’t need to influence with things I don’t need, and feeding the dopamine machine that we’ve (YOU, ME, TOGETHER WE’VE ALL LOST OUR MINDS) forgotten the simple ways to share, connect, express, and create.

So in a less than related thought but here’s how my journalled notes seem to go, what if in 2025 I get just a bit more awkward with myself and embrace a full life planted in between? What if in pursuing what feels a little more ordinary my life becomes extraordinary? What is somewhere between black and white I find a shade of gray that I’ve never come across before? Speaking of 2009 and the things that were good then, the color gray was high on that list. I chuckle. That’s not the gray we’re looking for.

It’s not about moving slower (I’ll mention that a quick Google search revealed, unfortunately, not one inspiring adjective for ‘slow’) or focusing less on what matters, because it’ll never ever be in me to do either of those things, but I’ll be all about finding the Venn diagram secret spot that gives me the greatest contentment and peace. It will be about staying curious and remaining unapologetically present.

Now for the best part, exactly what that little slice holds is still to come. I can’t wait to find out.

Wishing everyone well in 2025 and beyond. My hope is to show up here more often and bring back a little of the structure that worked when this whole journey started. A back to basics effort if you will. We’re not tackling many DIY projects anymore but what’s ahead seems so much better. See you soon.

*I could do without the aggressive-yet-trying-to-be-gentle post-holiday diet and fitness push. Why a fresh start has to be synonymous with six packs feels very out of alignment from my enneagram 4 self but I digress.

**If you’re a Substack writer I salute and applaud you! My distaste for Substack and frustrations with the paywall function is more personal than anything. Time is money and what a gift for writers and content creators to have a platform in which they are rewarded, and by their own standards, too. Professionally speaking, as someone who constantly feels overwhelmed by the ways in which I’m pressured to show up to be successful, or personally speaking, who feels like I’ll majorly miss out on preserving memories or being a part of something socially significant if I’m not a part, Substack simply felt like a heavy brick in an already steep pile of unnecessary weight. It’s not Substack. It’s me. Please keep creating and writing!